The One
I keep thinking to my self, does my one even exist? If she does, where is she? In my future? In my past? In my present? I always thought that I had already met her and now she’s gone. Maybe she’ll come back out of my past maybe I am dreaming.
What happens to me is I will like a girl only to watch her go off with somebody else. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe she wasn’t the one? Maybe she was and I ran her off?
I just don’t believe there is anyone for me. Until I meet her, I won’t believe. But how will I know?
I really don’t know anymore.
Signs
I drew this analogy earlier this week, if a woman’s signs were like traffic signs, I’d be dead by now. I would have wrecked my car in an impressive ball of fire. Explosions can be cool. But not when they involve me.
I am just a fairly simple-minded guy. I need everything laid out for me. I don’t like playing games (except the video kind..). Because, I will fail. That is my past experience. And as of now, I do not foresee that changing.
What Am I?
You know, that’s a pretty fair question. A geek or a nerd? Or a combination of both? I am not really smart enough to really be either, though. I know I am a failed musician. I know that I am a wannabe poet. I know that I am not much of a catch. But I know I could be if I found the “one.”
What am I looking for?
I am not looking for a one-night stand. I am looking for someone to share my life with me. My experiences. Me. Who I am and what I am (of course, what am I?). I am looking for someone who can look inside me, inside the rough exterior and see that there is an actual heart in there. Believe me, I bleed.
Why am I posting this here?
That, my friends, is the question of the day. But it is a bit therapeutic to put my feelings into words. That’s why I write my “poetry.” Even my psychologist during my senior year of high school encouraged me to write. And I have ever since. So, you can take my “poems” at face value. They are just how I am feeling at the time I wrote them. Just like this one:
Alone
Am I better off alone
Than to be with someone?
Am I better doing my own thing
Than to worry about another?
Is it worth being alone
To not disappoint someone?
Is it worth worrying about being alone
When I could be doing more?
Should I stay alone
Or find someone of my own?
Should I think about being alone
Instead of just accepting it?
Why should I not be alone
When I have it all?
When I am alone
Do I only have myself to blame?
Alone is sometimes how I like to be
Means that I am always free
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like
To not be alone anymore
I don’t remember when I actually wrote this, but it was in the past year. Enjoy.
