Mike's Grand World

[no, I am not going to do six parts…]

So, why am I so hard on myself? It’s the only way I know how to be.  It’s just that simple.  I wished I had a more compelling answer, but I don’t.

One thing that may cause the “asshole” label is that I am hard to get to know (but to know me is to love me, I truly believe this).  I have a shell around me that is hard to get through.  Every time I get hurt, and I do, I put up another layer.  It’s kind of like “99 layers of Mike on the wall, 99 layers of mike, peel one back, 98 layers of Mike on the wall…”  This, probably, is a one thing that rubs people the wrong way…

People don’t seem to realize that I am quite an emotional person.  When I get cut…I bleed.  When I get hurt…I cry.  I don’t let too many people inside my “bubble” because inevitably, I get hurt and then I shut them out and add that new layer making it harder for the next person to get in and harder for me to get out.  So much so, that even my closest friends don’t know it all.  There is a few people that I’d like to let in but it seems as if they don’t want to come in… They’d rather stay on the outside…and in a way I don’t blame them.  But once you start to peel those layers away, you find that true person that I am.  And that person is the humble, loving, caring, funny, witty guy that I know I truly am…  so few see that.  So few want to see that.  That’s why the layers still exist…

[In fact, I wrote 2 poems, “In My Bubble” and “In My Bubble Part II” and also one called “In My Corner” that explain a lot of what goes inside my head.]

I wrote a blog post in February called “From The Heart” that is very telling of how I feel.  I know not a lot of people read this blog.  But if you are reading it, then I know you care.  And that makes me feel good to know that somebody cares.

[I had an entire response in my head in the car coming home from the gym, but when I sat down to write this, I only remember bits and pieces.  If only I could write and drive…]

There are so many thoughts going through my head. So, who am I? Sometimes, I even struggle with this. But what I am not is this “asshole” that I feel like I have been labeled as. I don’t know where or when this originated, but perhaps I play off of it too much that somehow it’s grown legs and has almost become fact. When in reality, it’s fiction.

So, as I sit here on my couch writing this on my laptop and watching a movie on the television screen thinking about who it is that I am. I am a very quiet and humble guy. I feel like I am a funny person. Someone that is fun to be around. I love to laugh and enjoy life; however, I am sort of an introvert. I am much more hard on myself than anybody else is on me and than I am on other people. I am quite sarcastic and sometimes I do rub people the wrong way.

I truly believe “to know me is to love me.” But how many people truly know me? Very few. You know who you are.

If you ever want to get inside my head, read my poetry. There is one way I can get my inner most thoughts and feelings out. I offered these to everybody to download and I only got one response… I am much better at writing my feelings down than talking about them. I have always been better at written communication than oral communication. Hence, the writing of this mini-biography. (if you want to read it, let me know and I’ll tell you how to get every poem I have ever written.)

And to know what I am truly like, “veg out” at my house or any of my friend’s houses with me or when I am hanging out with my family. I can’t hide who I am from them or anybody who is around. Most of the time, I prefer to “veg out” than go out… I am more comfortable at home than I am out. Not that i don’t like going out… sometimes I am just not comfortable in large crowds…

If there is anything you want to know about me, just ask. I really don’t have anything to hide and I am not afraid to talk about my feelings. You can mail me on MySpace or IM me on Yahoo! IM or MSN or even AIM. (I am on ICQ but don’t give that ID out, anymore.) Or for those who are adventurous, call me. Of course, you’ll have to ask for my IM id’s or my phone number (if you don’t already have it). I am pretty much an open book…just have to open up that pages and read.

I love my family and I love my friends. I know the love for my family is mutual. I just hope that the love I have for my friends is mutual.

As I was sitting at lunch today, I was thinking about how things can change at your favorite eating establishment when a favorite leaves.  Not only that I had a good camaraderie with them because we seemed to like each other but I have respect for them and the job they do.

It’s pretty awesome that there are places like MySpace where I can be “friends” with them outside of their respective establishments.  It’s a place where the line between “customer” and “server” can still be maintained, yet can still interact on a personal level.  I have a few such “friends” on MySpace and I am extremely proud that they allow me to be their “friend.” (They know who they are…). And not like (and I get to quote “Office Space” here…) “I am just another asshole customer.”  In many ways, going to these places is made better by the personal interaction between us that kept me going back.  I not going to profess that I am “in love” with any of these girls, but I liked them or else I wouldn’t have gone back.  I hope they liked me just the same and liked it when I came in for a visit.

Now that they are gone from their respective establishments, I am a bit sad.  However, I will hopefully continue to be “friends” with them.  I will continue to frequent these establishments in their absence and try to maybe gain a camaraderie with others but the ones I miss are all very special to me.  And I hope that they feel almost the same way…

Since I can’t figure out how to embed YouTube video in WordPress, I will just link to two videos that I found. Lots of Mr. Rogers videos on YouTube and being dugg on Digg.

(update… I found a new plug-in to embed YouTube vids…)

The song in this video is so beautiful, almost brings a tear to my eye.

So sad…I loved Mr. Rogers.