Last post from yesterday (Google Ad Free)

“Fade To Black” (Metallica)

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

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Lyrics I Identify With (Google Ad Free)

“A Tout Le Monde” (Megadeth)

Dont remember where I was
I realized life was a game
The more seriously I took things
The harder the rules became
I had no idea what itd cost
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied

So as you read this know my friends
Id love to stay with you all
Please smile when you think of me
My bodys gone thats all

A tout le monde
A tout les amis
Je vous aime
Je dois partir
There are the last words
Ill ever speak
And theyll set me free

If my heart was still alive
I know it would surely break
And my memories left with you
Theres nothing more to say

Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living are scarred

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Silly Atlanta Drivers…

Don’t you know not to STOP at a KEEP MOVING sign?

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A little bit about my feelings

How do I mend a broken heart…when it has been ripped apart?
How do I go on when I feel like giving up?
Why do I feel like I am made to suffer?
Why do I feel like I have to keep my heart in a cage away from everything?

So many questions, no answers  I so rarely let my feelings go because whenever I do, they just get stomped on, mangled, and then ridiculed… I have read a few blog posts lately that made me realize that maybe I am not the only one who might be hurting  I wish hurt on no one…not my friends or my enemies… However, in an odd sort of way, I have taken some comfort in knowing that I am not the only one.  Maybe we should start a club… BHOA… [Broken Hearts of America].  Probably be millions strong…

So, what do I do now… I pick up the pieces and move on.  Try to mend my heart back into a single piece.  Do a heavy amount of drinking… no, that won’t make the hurt go away, but at least I’ll forget about it until my liver fails… I’d rather have my arm or leg broken than my heart.  Bones are easily mended.  The heart is much more fragile.  There is no cure drug for the heart.  No, not even alcohol can help mend a broken heart. If there were a miracle cure, I’d be first in line.  Be the genea pig.  Anything that will ease the pain.

I take solice in my friends and rely on their strength and their words to keep me going.

I’ll share something else that may or may not surprise you.  Though most of my high school years, I had many thoughts of suicide.  It’s pretty obvious that I never suceeded or even tried. Just thoughts.  Thinking rationally, which surprisingly I could do at that age, I realize that the only ones I’d be hurting are my family and my friends. I have recently had thoughts, not so much of suicide, but of death. How much easier it would be on me.  No more suffering.  But the people I left behind would suffer much more than I ever would.  Suicide and death are the easy way out.  Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness.  It is for those reasons, I am still here today.

There have been a couple of instances where I could have been killed in accidents… but it didn’t happen.  I believe that I am here today for a reason.

If you took the time to read this, then I know you truly care about me. I have no way of knowing who did or did not.  I would like to thing that all of my close friends are reading this.  If you feel compelled to leave a comment, then do so… But I am not seeking comments, just understanding and love but not pity.  Also, please do not share with others.  This is for you, my friends and my friends, only.  I would like to believe that each of you will respect my wishes.

This song really describes how I feel most of the time…. amazing how a song can describe how we feel almost as well as we could…

How Will I Laugh Tomorrow (by Suidial Tendencies lyrics by Mike Muir…)

Here I sit and watch my world come crumbling down
I cry for help but no one’s around
Silently screaming I bang my head against the wall
It seems like no one cares at all
Always an emotion, but how can I explain
How can I explain
Kind of like the scent of a rose
With words I can’t explain
The same with my pain
Caught up in emotion-Goes over my head
Goes over my head
Sometimes I got to think to myself is this life or death
Am I living or am I dead
The clock keeps ticking but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I’ve had
So few good-So many bad
I search for personality and I look for things I can not see

Love and peace flash through my mind
Pain and hate are all I find
Find no hope in nothing new
Never had a dream come true
Lies and hate and agony
Thru my eyes that’s all I see
If I’m gonna cry
Will you wipe away my tears?
If I’m gonna die
Lord please take away my fear
Before I drown in sorrow
Last thing that I’ll say
How will I laugh tommorow
If I can’t even smile today
Today today–when I can’t even smile today
Today today–when I can’t even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow–when I can’t even smile today
How will I laugh tommorow–when I can’t even smile today

Much love to you all and God Bless,
– Mike (not …operation: mike-crime… or …scary mike… or …the dark eternal mike… or even …while mike gently weeps…)

NOTE: I know it’s Friday and I hope I didn’t ruin anybody’s Friday with my negativity…

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Music Personality Test

Personality

This is my personality according to the Music Personality Test

Reflective & Complex

People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Classical, Blues, Jazz, and Folk music. On the Reflective & Complex Dimension you fell in the 57 percentile. This score is moderate.

Based on your responses, you scored above average on the reflective and complex music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people high on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:
People with high scores on the reflective and complex music-preference dimension tend to be open to new experiences, creative, intellectual, and enjoy trying new things. When it comes to politics, they tend to lean toward the liberal side. Wisdom, diversity, and fine arts are all important to them. When it comes to lifestyle, high scorers tend to be sophisticated, and relatively well off financially. After a hard day of work, if they’re not listening to music or reading a book, they enjoy documentary films, independent, classic, or foreign films.

Edgy & Aggressive

People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Alternative, Rock, and Heavy Metal music. On the Edgy & Aggressive Dimension you fell in the 81 percentile. This score is very high.

Based on your responses, you scored above average on the edgy and aggressive music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people high on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:

People with high scores on the energetic and aggressive music-preference dimension tend to enjoy taking risks and engaging in thrilling experiences. They also tend to be dominant, imaginative, and energetic. They tend to be politically liberal, and believe that freedom, independence, and excitement are important aspects of life. When it comes to lifestyle, lovers of edgy and aggressive music, tend to come from the middle to lower classes. As for media entertainment, they’re likely to enjoy watching action, science fiction, fantasy, war, and horror movies.

Fun & Simple
People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Pop, Religious, Country, and Soundtrack music. On the Fun & Simple Dimension you fell in the 41 percentile. This score is moderate.

Based on your responses, you scored below average on the fun and simple music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people low on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:

People with low scores on the fun and simple music-preference dimension tend to introverted, unconventional, and artistic. When it comes to morals and values, chances are that they lean toward the liberal side, and consider beauty and inner harmony important principles in life. When selecting a movie to watch, they prefer suspense movies, cult movies, or foreign films.

Energetic & Upbeat

People high on this dimension tend to enjoy Hip-hop, Rap, Funk, Soul, and Electronic music. On the Energetic & Upbeat Dimension you fell in the 45 percentile. This score is moderate.

Based on your responses, you scored below average on the energetic and upbeat music-preference dimension. Research in our laboratory indicates that people low on this dimension, like you, often have the following characteristics:

People with low scores on the energetic and upbeat music-preference dimension tend to be introverted, less assertive than the average person, and detail oriented. As for politics and values, they tend to lean to the conservative side, and value intellect, ambition, and high art. When it comes to lifestyle, low scorers on the energetic and upbeat dimension often come from the middle and upper classes. When they’re not reading, they’re probably watching a romance movie, classic film, or western movie.

NOTE: I can’t believe how accurate this actually is… particularly the “Edgy & Aggressive” explanation… It really does fit me. In fact, they all seem to fit me. Now I know why I am the way I am! 😀

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