Behind Blue Eyes

Sometimes, this is how I feel… oh, it’s also the best Who song I have ever heard….

The lyrics:

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one knows what its like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

No one knows what its like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
They arent as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
Thats never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what its like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Posted in Life, Music | Leave a comment

– Health Timeline –

A history of what happened to me recently. I nursed myself back to health. I didn’t even have anybody to talk to at night. I logged on to my IM accounts every night and didn’t see anybody… I could have used somebody to talk to. So, I realized that I have to rely on myself…

02/26 (Tuesday) – Started getting headaches and body aches.

02/27 (Wednesday) – I took a sick day. Apparently I had a “touch of the flu bug.” Fever hits 100.8 at it’s peak. Drank lots of water and took Tylenol Multi-Symptol cold. Works pretty well. Start using Irish Spring Soap.

02/28 (Thursday) – I felt worse but went to work. Should have taken this day instead of Wednesday. Most of the time, you have to feel worse to get better. Started get red itchy bumps.

02/29 (Friday) – I am feeling better. Went to work and the gym.

03/01 (Saturday) – Went to Alabama. Had a good time. When got home after going out, my head and my heart were beating like a drum. Took Tylenol. Think that was a bad idea. Alcohol + Tylenol = Bad Idea. Found more red itchy bumps.

03/03 (Monday) – I worked from home. Not only did I have red itchy spots, but I had skin infection. Large areas of raised white bumps. Look similar to the hives. Bought Calamine lotion and Benadryl to combat. Doesn’t really work too well.

03/04 (Tuesday) – I already had doctor visit scheduled for cholestoral check-up. Show her skin infection via photos (as the articles on the internet say to take pictures because these bumps will come and go). She says it’s a viral infection. Give me a shot (Hey, it’s steroids… now I am like a professional athlete!). I told the nurse about the symptoms I had the previous week. Nurse says that there has been many cases of the bug I described.

03/05 (Wednesday) – On the way into work, I break out into the skin problem from the day before. This is 3 days in a row. So, I scheduled an inpromtu doctor visit for the skin problem. This doctor 2 agrees with doctor 1. Says that if it doesn’t get better by Friday, call and they will send me to dermatologist.

03/11 (Tuesday) – I go to drug store to get a prescription filled. I walk around and look at Dial soap package. Notice that it contains a warning: “Stop use and call doctor if you experience irritation and redness.” So, I look at the Irish Spring. I has no such warning. I decide to buy Dial soap (which is what I was using until I bought the Irish Spring). The itchy skin goes away. Maybe I had an alergic reaction to the soap?

03/12 (Wednesday) – Had a good day. Went to gym as usual. However, I broke out again. I had the same red itchy spots as before. I didn’t freak out, but I finished my workout, went home and showered. The itchy skin goes away again for last time. I am now sure that I had an alergic reaction to the soap. Comes to find out that Irish Spring is one of the most harsh soaps. Buying it becomes a very bad decision.

03/13 (Thursday) – I had to schedule a lab visit for liver lab test (to recheck my liver enzyme levels). I tell the tech about the noticeable beating of my heart, particularly when I laid down to sleep. She puts me in with the doctor. The nurse takes my temp, blood pressure, etc and all was normal. Then, I had an EKG done. The doctor looked at it and said it was normal. Apparently, I have heart palpitations. (These are not dangerous but are irritating). Doctor asks about alcohol use. I tell her that I only drink on weekends. And I have like 5 or 6 (well, sometimes I have 7). She tries to tell me that I am a binge drinker and an alcoholic. However, after further questioning, she finds out that I only drink on Saturdays. So, we agree that I can have no more than 2 (well, I say 3). So, that constitutes a reduction in my drinking of alcohol. While I enjoy drinking, I will curtail my drinking to save my liver mostly… the heart palpitations I attribute more to stress/anxiety and caffeine…

03/14 (Friday) – The heart palpitations stop. I haven’t felt them since.

03/17 (Monday) – Doctor’s office calls but leaves no message. The have not tried to contact again (not by mail or phone). I only know this because of caller id. Without the caller ID, I would have never known they called. I have not contacted them but perhaps I should. If this was something that was really important, would they have not tried to contact me again? I would think so. At the very least, leave a message for me to contact them if it was/is something serious.

Since 03/17, I have felt 100%. No red itchy spots. No headaches/fevers. Nothing. I have been going to the gym regularly and am back to doing my strength training as well as my cardio. I have not had any alcohol since 3/1 and I don’t really miss it. But when I goto Athens, GA in a couple of weeks, I plan on having a couple of beers…

If you made it this far or even read this at all, you are a true friend and I thank you. Comments are not necessary but if you wish to leave, feel free to do so. 🙂

Posted in Health, Life | 2 Comments

The Song Poem

The Song Poem

How Will I Laugh Tomorrow
In my Darkest Hour
Forsaken
In My Time of Need

Life Is Beautiful
In My World
Down In A Hole
Room For One More

Sad But True
I Thought I Knew It All
Poor Twisted Me
Yesterday Don’t Mean Shit

Beyond This Life
Comfortably Numb
Guilty of Innocence
Almost Honest

When You Close Your Eyes
Take Away My Pain
Wish You Were Here
No One is To Blame

Who Cares Wins
The Way It Used To Be
Breaking The Silence
I Don’t Wanna Wake Up

Wherever I May Roam
Caught Somewhere In Time
Echo Of My Scream
Fade To Black

The Thin Line Between Love And Hate
Anybody Listening?
I Don’t Believe In Love
Goodbye To Romance

Strange And Ironic
To Live Is To Die
The World I Know
Slightly Out Of Reach

Practice What You Preach
Something That I’m Not
The Frayed Ends Of Sanity
We Who Are Not As Others

Note: Every line of this poem is a song title from a song in my collection…

Posted in Writing/Poetry | Leave a comment

Something Else I Have Learned

I have learned that I am better off single. And in many cases, better off alone. I feel like that I am so unique and odd, that there will not be a woman that I am to be compatible with. I am not a good looking guy (though I don’t believe that I am ugly). Despite having a good rating on Hot Or Not…. The picture I used doesn’t show my face completely… it is partially hidden.

My Hot Or Not badge… Currently an 8.1… was as high as 8.5 and as low as 7.4… so, 8.1 is a good average. The previous try, my score was around 4.5 or 4.7. My looks haven’t changed, but I used a better picture.

But looks aren’t everything. Right?

Just for comparison…

Christian Bale or me?

Brad Pitt or Me?

So, yeah, looks DO matter… but how much?

Anyway, that’s kind of off the point of this post. Finding somebody that I can get along with and am compatible with and somebody that finds me attractive is a challenge. For right now, I don’t even feel like looking. I think that being single is the best for all parties involved.

Just look at my MySpace profile and see just how odd I am… but that’s me. The real me. I am not a persona. I am a real person. I am not a robot. I am human. Believe it or not.

I spend time on Digg and on Pownce. I spend time on MySpace. I watch video podcasts and listen to audio podcasts. I am a heavy metal-geek… I work in Healthcare Technology. I program (from time to time) in Visual Basic .NET. Yeah, that’s exactly what attracts the girls. A heavy-metal geek who programs. I enjoy technology in my everyday life. It’s not something that I look at from afar. It’s something that I enjoy. Video games, high def television/movies, music, computers/internet. How could a girl go wrong with me?

Thus, all of this added up = just stay single and alone and I’ll be fine.

Some of you may try to convince me otherwise, but until it happens that some girl actually falls for me and it stick, I won’t believe it.  It’s like the X-Files… “I want to believe.”

Comments welcome.

Posted in Life | Leave a comment

Something I have learned…

I have learned that fat men (in particular) have to be funny to be taken seriously. Irony at it’s best, but it’s true.

Let’s look at some examples: John Candy, Chris Farley, and John Belushi.

John Candy had only one leading man role in “Only the Lonely” and everything else he had to be funny. Would anybody really take him seriously if he were a leading man? Of course not. Brad Pitt = leading man. John Candy = funny guy.

Chris Farley never had a leading man role. Most of the time, he was just a goof and even made fun of his own weight to get laughs. Falling through furniture and breaking it. Got laughs. Isn’t that what people wanted from him.

John Belushi has some serious roles but who remembers those? We will always remember him from Animal House and The Blues Brothers. Both of these movies and his performances were very funny. Is it just because he was funny or because he had to be funny.

Of course the above three all died relatively young. Not necessarily due to their weight but their excesses. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes. John Candy died of a heart attack at 44. Chris Farley died at 33 of basically an OD. John Belushi died at 33. Also an OD.

So, then there’s me. Would anybody actually take me seriously if I weren’t funny. If I didn’t act goofy and use my sense of humor not only in real life but also in my MySpace surveys. Who would remember them or even read them if I weren’t funny. This is just something that has been on my mind for a while.

Maybe I am off-base or maybe I am dead on. But I had to let this out…

Posted in Life | Leave a comment